Dear Mildred,
I've been married for over 20 years to a great guy, but for the fifth time this week, I found him at my neighbor's house. Her name is Gloria and she dresses like a tramp! She parades around and flirts with him shamelessly....I work full-time, and I'm tired when I get home....what can I do?
Signed, Dejected in Dover
Dear Dejected,
I understand. You're a working woman, but you don't want your husband on the loose. Take my somewhat sordid advice, and get him one of those "Love Dolls." He'll be satisfied, and you won't have to worry about Gloria.
Regards, Mildred Pierce
P.S. I can personally vouch for those things. Back when I was married to Bert Pierce, I got him a Love Doll - I wouldn't be where I am today, if I hadn't bought that doll, and made it available to Bert 24/7!